


Hatsukoi

by jacthellama



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Ballet Dancer Katsuki Yuuri, Eventual Romance, F/M, Heavy Angst, M/M, Skater Victor Nikiforov
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 15:02:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13592583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacthellama/pseuds/jacthellama
Summary: Yuuri continued to smile, even as his heartbreak seemed to swallow him whole. He’ll break later, when he’s alone. Victor doesn’t need to know. Victor deserves to be happy.Even at the expense of his own heart.- - -Childhood friends, Yuuri and Victor, through the years. Through happiness and pain, love and heartbreak. Leaping through the unknown, is it worth the risk?





	Hatsukoi

_Is it too late? Will you you be angry?_

_I...I don’t understand._

_It’s okay if you don’t understand. It’s okay if you want to get angry at me. It’s okay, because I know I’m too late.  I’ll say it anyway._

 

* * *

 

**_Five and Nine_ **

 

They met when Victor was 9, and Yuuri, 5.

A formal party that Victor’s parents threw, that he immediately got bored at - never mind that it was to celebrate his birthday and introduce him to the polite society. The Nikiforovs, after all, were part of the Upper Crust - old money, part of the highest echelons of society. It wouldn’t do to just have a simple birthday party.

And it was all terribly boring, for the 9 year old.

 _Fake smiles. Plastic platitudes. Cold warmth._ For as long as he can remember, it has always been that way. All pandering towards his father, and giving false praise to his blue-blood mother. Victor shook his head - it was his birthday! He’ll have fun for sure, he’ll just have to find something to amuse himself with!

A harried whisper. “Vitya, behave.”

“Da, Mama.” Victor murmured, automatically straightening.

If only it wasn’t so boring!

Suddenly, Nina Nikiforova gasped - letting go of Victor’s hand to step forward. “Minako-senpai! Hiroko-chan! You came!”

Victor blinked in surprise. He has never heard his mother greet someone else so happily, and curiously he tried to peek around his mother’s figure. His father meanwhile, chuckled. “Ninochka, you act as if you have not seen them for the longest time.”

“Hush, Sasha, don’t say that!” Nina mock-admonished her husband as she hugged a tall, statuesque brunette, and then a petite woman. “I almost thought you won’t be able to make it!”

“Ninochka, of course we wouldn’t miss this,” the tall woman replied, and spied the little Nikiforov heir trying to peer around his mother’s figure. “Oh, is this the little Lord Nikiforov?”

Smiling, Nina stepped aside as she ushered in her son. “Minako-sensei, Hiroko-chan, Sasha and I would like to present to you our son,  Victor Aleksandrovich Nikiforov.”

Victor blinked up at the woman, then smiled. “Hello! It is nice to meet you!”

The tall woman smiled back. “How charming and polite! Hello, little Victor, I am Okukawa Minako.” She gave a small curtsy, then gestured to the petite lady next to her. “ This is my cousin, Katsuki Hiroko. Your mother, me, and Hiroko used to do ballet together.”

“At Mariinksy?” Victor clapped his hands together, eyes shining. “Wow, amazing!”

Minako laughed. “Sasha, he looks exactly like you, but acts like Ninochka!” she commented mischievously. “He is going to break quite a few hearts when he gets a little older, ne?”

“God, I hope not,” Alexander laughed, finally stepping forward to greet Minako properly, then turning to face the other woman. “Katsuki-san, Toshiya is not here, I gather?”

The petite lady smiled, as she straightened up from greeting Victor. “Unfortunately, Toshi is finishing an urgent business deal. He will follow us when we go to Switzerland to meet with the Giacomettis, and then we go home. He sends his regards, Sasha-kun and hopes to talk to you soon. How have you been, Nino-chan?”

“Missing your cooking!” Nina immediately replied, then her eyes lit up. “Isn’t that your daughter? Oh, you brought them with you this time?”

Victor started to fidget, getting bored again as the adults conversed above him.  He looked around, and then took a step back in surprise when someone small peered at him from the tall lady’s legs.

It was a boy, with silky black hair flopping over large, limpid brown eyes. Victor smiled. “Hello!”

The boy squeaked, and hid himself behind Minako’s legs.

“Yuuri!” Minako lightly scolded. “Where are your manners?”

“He’s so cute!” Nino cooed. “Is he your youngest, Hiroko-chan?”

Hiroko nodded proudly as her son stepped out behind Minako shyly. “Yes - this is my youngest, Yuuri. He just turned 5 last month.” She placed a hand on top of the boy’s head fondly. “Vicchan, I hope you and Yuu-chan become great friends.”

Victor beamed. “Of course!”

* * *

 

**_Fourteen and Seventeen._ **

 

“Hey, Yuuri.”

“Mmm?” The younger male hummed absently, pen swooping in busy strokes as he did his homework. “What’s up, Victor?”

Victor went quiet, watching his best friend (because that was what Yuuri was, after all those years) sitting on his desk; the silverette lounging on the bed. “Chris told me someone confessed to you today.”

Yuuri jerked, arm moving forward in surprise. He scowled down at his ruined paper. “Victor, some warning would be nice. I’ll have to write this all over again.”

“It’s not even deadline, Yuuri!”

“Aren’t seniors supposed to be model students to sophomores?” Yuuri grumpily asked no one in particular, then huffed and turned to face the pouting senior. “Fine. Yes, someone did.”

Victor sat up, eyes sparkling. “Tell me all about it!”

“Someone sent me a letter, confessed to me during lunchtime, and I rejected her. That’s it.” Yuuri tonelessly narrated, swiveling back to face his desk. “I met Phichit in the library, and then went home. End of story.”

The senior gasped in shock. “That can’t be it! Yuuuuri, I want details!”

Yuuri rolled his eyes. “Victor, just what did you think would happen? I’m only fourteen, if you would remember.”

“Ah, to be young - “  
“Stop that, you’re like, only four years older than me -”  
“I can still remember when someone first confessed to me - “  
“- you were thirteen, I was nine, and it was just a dare, _baka_ -”

Victor burst out laughing, more at Yuuri’s disgruntled look than anything else. “Really, Yuuri, I’m so glad you’re my friend.”

Yuuri huffed in exasperation, and then smiled at the older male fondly. “You should be, I’m the only one who puts up with you.”

“Yuuri is so mean!” The silverette pouted. “Also, why aren’t you calling me what you call Yuuko-chan? So mean!”

“Victor, this isn’t a Japanese school - we aren’t even in Japan!”

Victor sniffed; picked up the small toy poodle that lay on the bed next to him. “Vicchan, your master is so mean..”

“ _Fine_ . Victor- _senpai.”_

The senior beamed, then sobered; hand reaching out to curl into the toy on his lap. “I miss Makka…”

“You’ll see him soon.” Yuuri murmured absently, going back to his homework. “Aren’t you going back to St. Petersburg during Christmas Break?”

 

“...I’m not sure.”

 

Yuuri blinked, and turned to see an unusually somber best friend. “Victor. What’s wrong?”

The older male turned his face away.

Brows furrowing in worry, Yuuri stood up, padding over where the male sat. “Victor, tell me what’s wrong. You don’t usually come over in the middle of the week. You also skipped lunch too - don’t lie,” he scolded, when the senior opened his mouth to protest. “Chris told me earlier, when we bumped into each other in the library.”

Victor stubbornly remained quiet, grabbing a pillow and smooshing his face into it.

Yuuri sighed; sat down and put a hand on top of his best friend’s head. “ _Vitya.”_

“You play dirty,” came Victor’s muffled voice. “...is that why you never call me that even if I tell you to do so a lot of times?”

“Victor Nikiforov, I swear - “

“My parents - they’re divorcing.” Victor hunched his shoulders. “ _Deda_ told me.”

Yuuri sucked in a breath. “Wha - didn’t they celebrate their wedding anniversary recently?” As sudden as his outburst, the fourteen-year old shook his head almost violently. “No, don’t answer. That was insensitive of me. _Vicchan,_ I’m so sorry to hear that…”

“They’ve been fighting a lot, recently.” the older male murmured absently, lost in memories. “The last time I went back, I heard them shouting at each other in the study, but I didn’t think much of it. _Deda_ said they were planning to tell me when I come back this winter break, but he didn’t think it was fair to wait until then.”

Yuuri waited, sensing that Victor wasn’t finished.

“I - I…” Victor’s voice trailed off, and he finally turned to look at Yuuri, cerulean eyes bleak. “I...Yuuri. I don’t want to go home. Yuuri, what do I do?”

Still silent, Yuuri opened his arms, and Victor fell in; arms letting go of the plush to clutch at his best friend desperately.

“ _Viten’ka.”_ Yuuri murmured, a hand reaching up to card soothingly at silver strands. “всё будет хорошо. Everything will be alright.”

Victor shuddered, and Yuuri held him tighter; as though trying to keep the older male from breaking apart.

But even then, Yuuri knew, that he failed. His best friend was falling apart, and he can only be at his side, holding his hand.

 

Just like all the other times.  
And maybe, forever.

* * *

 

**_Fifteen and Nineteen_ **

 

“Mama, please. You’ve drunk enough.” Victor pleaded, trying to take the glass from his mother’s hand. He flicked a glance to the butler, who nodded and took the decanter before walking out of the room. “It’s not even noon, and we have the party later tonight to take care of - “

“Who cares about that fucking party?” Nina shot back harshly as she drunkenly moved her glass away from her son, clear liquid splashing on the carpet. “It’s not as if that Мудак _cared_ enough to be here! And where is he? He’s in the fucking Alps, fucking his шлюха!”

Victor sucked in a breath. He has never heard his mother curse or speak so coarsely, with a tone filled with wrath. “Mother!”

* * *

 

**_Sixteen and Twenty_ **

 

“I thought we loved each other,” his mother cried desperately, tears dropping down her cheeks like precious pearls; like a tragic mermaid bereaved of her love. _Perhaps,_ Victor thought privately as he held his weeping, drunk mother in his arms, _that analogy wasn’t incorrect._

His mother wasn’t a mermaid, but bereaved of her love, nonetheless.

“We did, Ninochka,” his father murmured, cerulean eyes dark. “We did, and yet now, we aren’t. Things change. People change. Love doesn’t last forever.”

“ _Lies!”_ Victor flinched as his mother shrieked, arms tightening around her as she struggled to break away from his grip. His father was leaving; the divorce was final. And yet his mother refused to let go. _“You loved me! We promised to stay forever! Always, together! Always your Ninochka!”_

“Take care of your mother, Victor.” his father replied instead, turning to pick up his suitcase. “...take care of yourself.”

Victor bit his lip, hard. Hard enough to draw blood, as his father walked away.

 

_He wished Yuuri was here._

* * *

 

**_Eighteen and Twenty-Two_ **

 

Victor watched, fascinated, as Yuuri leapt into a grand jeté - arms a gentle arc in the air, landing lightly; twisting into a quick arabesque before turning into a graceful tour jete.

“Yuuri! Amazing!”

The danseur started, then turned around, eyes wide in astonishment. “Victor! What are you - I thought you were in St. Petersburg?”

Victor shrugged artlessly, moving forward. “As if I can miss my best friend’s audition to Julliard, da? Besides, I came with Yakov’s permission, so long as I don’t forget to put in ice time.” He smiled mischievously. “Besides, this way I can see you dance again.”

Yuuri blushed, swiping his hair back carelessly. “What are you saying, you saw enough of me dancing growing up. Also, other people aren’t allowed to watch the audition, you know.” He arched an eyebrow. “Yakov sent you here for Madame, weren’t you?”

“Yuuuuuri, how mean! Not that you aren’t wrong, but I’m really here for you.” Victor pouted, then stretched his arms open invitingly. “So, where is my hug?”

“What?”

“Hug!” The older man demanded (quite childishly, Yuuri thought). “We haven’t seen each other ever since the Grand Prix, and that was last year!”

“Victor, that was just two months ago,” Yuuri rolled his eyes as he picked up the towel over his duffel, mopping his face. “Besides, I just came from practice, I’m sweaty and gross and **agh! Victor!** ”

Victor snickered, arms snug around a squirming danseur. “It’s always fun to catch you off-guard, Yuuri!”

“What are you, five?” Yuuri groused, but hugged back anyway; a reluctant smile on his lips. “Did you just arrive? How was your flight?”

“Maybe an hour ago? As usual, traffic in New York is…” Victor made a face, then stepped back. “Aeroflot was late, but that’s nothing new. Have you eaten yet, Yuuri? I’m starving! Yakov won’t even let me eat anything good, and I’m already offseason!”

The danseur rolled his eyes as he bent to pick up his duffel. ““What do you mean offseason, you still have Worlds, remember? Of course Yakov won’t let you go off diet - “

“ _Yuuri!_  You’re so mean to me!”

“- but because you won Grand Prix, I suppose you’ve earned one bowl of katsudon,” Yuuri continued over his best friend’s whining. “Just for you though, I can’t afford to eat anything heavy.”

Victor beamed happily. “Yuuri! You’re making me katsudon? Mama Hiroko’s katsudon?I love you!!”

Yuuri abruptly turned, heading towards the door. “Yes, yes, I love you too. Now let me just change clothes so we can go to my apartment.”

“Can I get two servings?”

“Victor! Do you want Yakov to kill me?” the danseur turned, arching an eyebrow. “You of all people know how he gets about your food.”

“Yakov will never know!”

“That’s what you said the last time, and I ended up doing suicides with you at the rink.”

“That was just one time! You never let me forget it!” Victor puffed out his cheeks, looking more like a hamster than the Grand Prix gold medalist that he is. He followed the danseur into the changing rooms, plunking down on a bench and bringing out his phone. “...Yakov is miserable without Lilia.”

“That’s a given, right?” Yuuri answered, voice muffled as he pulled on an oversized cableknit sweater. “They’ve been together for so long. They might fight all the time, but it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other any less.”

“Miserable together, miserable apart,” Victor murmured, eyes distant. “Love is pain, Yuuri. I don’t understand why people even attempt to find it.”

Yuuri didn’t answer, merely beckoning for them to go. He bit his lip.

What was there left to say?

* * *

 

**_Twenty and Twenty-Three_ **

 

Yuuri is rushing. He can’t be late. After all, this time he wanted to be the one to surprise him.

 

> _“Yuuri, Yuuri!”_ _Victor’s voice sailed out of the speakerphone, laughing. Cheerful and vibrant, the way it hasn’t been for the longest time. “I have news!”_
> 
> _Yuuri smiled as he stretched, arms arching up to the sky in a graceful arc. “Hello, Victor. Surely you know what time is it in New York?”_
> 
> _“I can’t wait! Besides, I already know you’re up, so I called.” Victor huffed, and Yuuri can practically hear the pout from the Russian’s lips. “Yuuri, you’re so mean to me!”_

Victor was in Detroit, for Skate America. Of course, he knew about it. He knew ever since the ISU announced the placements.

 

> _“Will you come, Yuuri?” Victor pleaded. “It’s only a short flight from New York! We can meet!”_
> 
> _“I don’t know, Victor,” The danseur bit his lip. This was hard. “It falls during recitals, so I’m not sure if I can go…”_
> 
> _Victor whined. “Yuuri, you’re really so mean to me!”_

He crammed, and actually had to rush off the moment his own graded recital to catch his plane, but he wanted to see Victor. To be there for Victor.

 

> _“I want to tell you something, Yuuri! You need to be there!”_

Yuuri will be there. He needs to tell something to Victor, too. Something he’s been wanting to tell him, for the longest time.

_Please, don’t let him perform just yet. Please, I need to be there._

He skidded to a stop, panting in front of the entrance as he pulled out the pass Victor mailed him in hopes that he would go. Yuuri barely even flashed it to the guard as he ran inside, hearing Victor’s FS music winding to a close.

_Barely - made it -_

Heart in his throat, Yuuri watched as Victor spun, hand delicately reaching up as his final pose.

_Beautiful as always, Victor._

The crowd roared, and Yuuri stepped forward, intending to meet Victor at the skater’s entrance, when -

 

A woman ran forward, dark hair shining as she threw herself into Victor’s arms. Victor laughed, smile open and sparkling as he spun her around, still on the ice. Cerulean eyes vibrant, as he leaned down to drop a kiss on the woman’s waiting lips.

 

Yuuri felt as though his time has stopped. As though he couldn’t breathe.

 

 _“_ ** _Yuuri!”_** Victor’s delighted voice reached his ears, and Yuuri blinked to see the skater letting go of the woman and rushing to him. Throwing his arms around Yuuri, the same way the woman embraced him earlier. “You came! You didn’t tell me you were coming!”

 

He struggled to breathe, pushing down his pain to smile at Victor. “Of course, I wanted to surprise you.”

“Yuuri, you’re always so mean to me!” Victor complained, stepping back to hook an arm around the woman’s waist. “I wanted you to come, so you can meet Maria, my Mashenka! Mashka, meet Yuuri - Yuurochka.”

She smiled uncertainly at Yuuri. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Katsuki-san, Vitya has told me a lot about you.”

His fist tightened momentarily, nails digging to his skin. He smiled brightly. “Nothing bad, I hope. Victor can exaggerate a lot.”

Victor gave a scandalised gasp as Maria giggled. “Yuuri! You’re so mean to me, honestly!”

 

Yuuri continued to smile, even as his heartbreak seemed to swallow him whole. _He’ll break later, when he’s alone. Victor doesn’t need to know. Victor deserves to be happy._

 

Even at the expense of his own heart.

 _Victor, you’re wrong. I’m not the mean one - you are._ _  
_ _But I love you, so much so that I…._

 

* * *

 

_**Notes:** _

I'm sorry? This has actually been in my drive for a long while now, unfinished (this is also unbeta'ed and unreviewed). Part 2 is coming soon. This would probably have... a lot of hurt.

Please suspend all belief in this one, by the way. (Most especially with the boarding school - yes, the part with the school, they went to a boarding school which allowed Victor to skate. They're also filthy rich in this one.)


End file.
